Fear on the Bike, or, Embracing Gravel

I am not a prolific blogger, by any stretch of the imagination. But this is something I wanted to write about (albeit shortly) that definitely does not fall into the “hey, today we did X” category.

I lined up for the Fayetteville Stage Race back in March. I was really excited as this was the first USAC stage race that I had done in a long time. It even had a time-trial, so I was thinking, hey, maybe, just maybe, I can pull in some sort of result. Now, that didn’t happen. In fact, I got dropped in the first road race. I was going to finish. Though 3 miles from the finish line I ended up in some gravel and then all of a sudden I was slammed down on the road. 

Two things: 1) the gravel looked like asphalt, so when I pulled over to let the other race pack go by I didn’t know I was getting in to gravel and 2) I think there was a crack or something in the gravel for my front wheel to just stop like it did. All in all, what matters here is that I had a healthy dose of road rash in several places on the left side of my body. Oh, and my left hand. The one day I forget my gloves… sheesh.

Now the brush burns have all healed. I’ve been back on the bike plenty. But a few weeks ago I was out for a ride and we went through a section that was unpaved, bumpy, and full of gravel here and there. And I froze.

I felt it, my body tensed up, I stopped pedaling. I was holding on to my handlebars with a death grip. I was just trying to roll through the gravel without falling. I felt completely unstable, and it got worse the more I tensed up.

Fear. Something on the inside was remembering getting slammed to the pavement and did not want to be on the bike on the gravel. But here is the thing, fear is the worst thing you can have while riding. It makes you tense. When you are tense, you don’t absorb bumps, you exaggerate them. Luckily I was just on a ride with a few people, and was able to keep my distance. But if I had been in a race… that could have been bad being that locked up.

After I got off the unpaved patch I realized that I was going to have to do something about this. I can’t tense up every time I hit some gravel or a particularly bumpy piece of road. I have to stay loose, let my upper body absorb all the bike movement, stay calm, and keep pushing on the pedals (the more the wheels are spinning the more they want to stay upright). So as I have been doing my laps of Shoal Creek during the week I have been purposefully hitting the unpaved gravelly patches. I have to beat the fear out of my brain. I am hoping to head out back east soon and ride through the unpaved area that caused me so much panic. I may even do it a couple of times. 

I just know that fear on the bike is bad, panic causes wrecks, and that’s the last thing I want. I am sure everybody I will be racing against will thank me.

Signed, Sealed… well, not delivered

Well the big announcement I talked about yesterday was that today Carrie and I just signed a contract to have a house built for us in the cool neighborhood of Brentwood/Crestview. The house will begin construction in the very near future. 

We are really excited. I mean, yes, it is somewhat horrifying. Don’t get me wrong. This all feels very adult. Money, loans, contracts, signatures… etc. etc. But at the same time, the builder we are working with has been great so far, the changes to the plans that we made have worked out great, and I think it is going to be an awesome house for us.

Pierre will finally room to get himself a cat tree.

I will finally have room for a grill, a garden, and a chicken coop. Yes, I am getting chickens. What of it? I eat a lot of eggs.

Anyway, that’s the news. 

On the cycling front, had a good ride today with some cycling friends. It was really windy, and my legs alternated between feeling great and feeling like lead. To be honest, I think I am still dehydrated from Thursday night. It’s been creeping up in the 90s, and it always takes a few rides to acclimate to the heat and remember just how much water one has to drink.

I hope a bunch of good Saturdays are being had. :)

Moving Forward

Last night I headed out the Driveway intent on finishing the 3/4 race for the first time. I actually rode out there, and in the process got in a nice warm up. That’s the nice thing about riding out there. The bad thing about riding out there is that you have to ride back. But, with the south wind one usually has during the Spring and Summer it isn’t so bad.

Back to the racing, I did actually finish the race with the group. Woohoo! This is the first 3/4 race where I have ever been able to hold on the entire time. I am sure there were some fast people who decided not to race since Ft. Davis is this weekend, but whatever. I finished the race without getting dropped. 

We had two crashes going up the corkscrew, I avoided both of them by pulling off some ‘cross action and riding through the grass outside of the track. Luckily neither of them dislodged me from the group. 

My legs felt like they plenty in them towards the end, but when I stood up in the last straight to follow a few guys up the side to possibly move up a few spots my legs quickly told me to “sit down.” Apparently I had been working harder than I thought. 

My stomach had been not feeling that great previous to the race, so I had a hard time gaging my effort by the sensations in my stomach. But, I will say, I felt like I was able to move around pretty easily (though the course makes that easier). I noticed a couple of times that I had drifted to the back and took the first opportunity to move up, which at many times in the past I just wouldn’t have had a choice about.

It looks like my next big goal will be the Tour de Louisiane back home. It’s June 10-11th in and around New Orleans. I am really looking to get in a large amount of riding during the month of June as I will be in a transition period occupationally (i.e. unemployed). I will race the Driveway between now and then, obviously, but I probably won’t make it to any other races before then.

Hopefully this weekend I’ll have an exciting announcement to make. So all five of you stay tuned. ;)

Saturday recap

The day started out well. Woke up, had some tea and breakfast, got ready, watched a little bit of the vuelta. We packed up the truck and started to head out to the race. But as I was driving out of our parking lot I realized I ran over something. Turns out it was my front wheel. Whoops. I had taken it off and leaned it against the truck, and forgot to put it in the truck. It now had no axle as I had managed to shear off one side of said axle.

Luckily, I had my old shimano front wheel upstairs, and it even had an unused tire and tube on it. So I threw that in the truck, and Carrie and I headed out.

Got warmed up, and the race started. I unfortunately lined up in the back, but I was able to quickly move up to around the middle. We started at the bottom of the corkscrew, and I kid you not, somebody crashed going up the corkscrew less than 30 seconds into the race. In fact, there were so many crashes in this race, it was hard to count. I had to pull a cyclocross move and go offroad for a bit because a crash pushed everybody to both sides of the course. It was sort of nutty.

But I survived with a pack finish. In all honesty, the race wasn’t that hard. I probably should have used more energy to get myself up closer to the front in the last few laps. I was a little hesitant to be up near the very front because I wasn’t sure how I’d handle the two over 90 degree turns at a faster speed. I usually went through that part of the course near the back, so I could see where I needed to be, and we were going much more slowly. 

Oh well, the next two days are much more classic crit courses. Flat with 90 degree turns. Should be fast races as there won’t be any course features slowing things down like today. So with my less than stellar time trial, and today’s pack finish I have yet to accomplish either of my two goals. However, there are two races left and I am confident I have the legs to reach my goals. And hopefully I won’t run over any more bike components! ;)

Time for sleep!

Getting Ready

This weekend (tomorrow, in fact) starts the Tour De Austin. One time trial and three criteriums. I am very excited, as I sort of circled this on the calendar a long time ago. I was very excited when Drew told me that he wanted this to be my big target for the summer. I’ve had a few training interruptions along the way, but I am feeling pretty good. I did my last ride early this morning… now all that’s left is to wait.

Have I ever mentioned that I’m not the world’s most patient person? ;)

I am not expecting to do too great at the time trial. I mean, I’m going to go out and give it my all, but I know there are some cat 4s out there with some bigger engines than me, and with probably nicer setups than me. It’s short, so the time differences aren’t going to be huge. The crits I think I have a better shot at. I had my best result of the year last week at the Driveway, so I think my legs are where they need to be.

I have two goals for the weekend. I would like to crack the top 10 in the one of the crits and I’d like to get myself some omnium points. I’m feeling confident, and I think I can get it done.

I have been drinking a lot of tea lately. Since I basically cut out coffee during the heart thing, I have been trying different types of tea to drink during the day. Some with caffeine, some without. While I was at Costco the other day I noticed they had nice little stainless electric pitchers on sale, so I got myself one. I love this thing. I can boil water at my desk and I don’t have to wait on the microwave down the hall anymore.

Well, that is it. I’ll post my race reports as the weekend goes on.

The Anxious 32-year-old Whisperer

I’m not sure where this show would be popular, but I’m thinking it would have a limited audience, more of a niche thing.

Anyway, the main point is that if you ever have seen an episode of the Dog Whisperer where he has a very anxious dog, he always ask the owners how often they walk and exercise their dog. Most of the time the answer is not many.

I’m like those dogs.

As I’ve been trying to find a more peaceful every day existence since all my little palpitation business, I have realized that regular exercise makes such a huge difference for me. The past few weeks riding my bike daily again I really felt calm and relaxed.

However, I don’t have my bike right now. Friday my right side just hurt, so whatever. Saturday I had a very relaxing day having fun. Sunday Carrie came back home from her trip, and all was good. But Sunday night… I started feeling anxious. The crazy thing is, I don’t know even know about what I was feeling anxious. But I could tell.

Bottom line, I think I need the exercise. It tires me out some, helps me to release nervous energy, helps me to quiet my mind. Well, at least somewhat. If you think I talk a lot in person, you should hear what goes on my head. Sheesh.

Needless to say, I am looking forward to getting my bike back tomorrow. I know I could go run, or workout at the gym or whatever, but those aren’t as fun to me as riding my bike. That’s the great thing, I find it fun and enjoyable, and it helps to me calm and peaceful. All in all, it’s not a bad way to keep things in check and to keep me worry-free.

Back to the Driveway

What a great night out at the Driveway. Yes, I finished with the pack after 4 weeks of not racing (modest comeback goal achieved, woot!). Yes, I felt great cornering and with my handling. But that wasn’t what really made the evening.

A year ago, a man named Kevin Underhill got in a bad wreck at the Driveway, and unfortunately died a few days later. His heart, however, was used in a transplant for somebody in Austin. 

Well, tonight, the guy who received the heart was there and led us around a neutral lap before our race started as our “pace car” so to speak. It was pretty amazing to be part of something so … movie like. It’s nice to see such a horrible tragedy have a good side, and it was interesting to be a part of that in just a little way.

Good night!

Heart of the matter

So the last two weeks have been a little nutty. 

10 years or so ago my heart did this weird flip-floppy thing. And it kept doing it. I ended up in the emergency room where they told me I was fine and not to worry about it. It did it several more times over the next few years, but then it eventually stopped.

Until almost 3 weeks ago. It did it. Now, when it would happen before I would tell myself that I was fine, and just get through it. I’m a lot more filled with anxiety these days. For some reason, I couldn’t shake it. It got in my head. So while it was still doing it, I was stressing myself out beyond belief. I decided to go to the doctor and get checked out, hopefully hearing a, “you’re fine, don’t worry about it.”

That is what I heard, but it came with a, “but we should do some tests…” Sigh. Now, being the analytical person that I am, I knew that I would feel better after the tests were done, but that meant I had to wait. And wait a while as my doctor was going to be out of town for a week. So I did a 24 hour holter monitor for my heart, and they did some blood work.

Today I went see the doctor, and he told me that everything is in fact fine. They think it is completely caused by stress. The feeling, and this I already knew, is caused when your heart skips a beat. Skips happen to everybody. But sometimes stronger skips you can feel, and things like stress and anxiety can cause these bursts of skips. They do want to do a sonogram of my heart, just as a final check that everything is okay, but the doctor told me that I should not worry about it, they don’t expect to see anything. The only reason they want to do this “echo” is some of the skips on the heart monitor were in the lower part of the heart. But since these were actually the ones that I couldn’t feel, they are not concerned. When the sonogram comes back negative the chances of me having something wrong with my heart will be close to zero.

So that is why I haven’t been updating the past few weeks. I don’t deal well with unknowns. I am in the best physical shape of my life, but there was little voice in my head telling me that I was never going to get to race my bike again. That something was seriously wrong with me. Ahhh, anxiety. 

Luckily, that voice seems to be wrong. 

Tomorrow we are heading to Lake Tahoe for a friend’s wedding. It should be a nice few days. I’m looking forward to coming back to Austin rested and getting back on the bike and getting back in our routine for a little bit. With as crazy as this summer has been, I find myself holding quite precious those few moments of time where we get to act “normal.” I am a person that finds peace in routine, I have learned this about myself.

Wasn’t quite there

I can try and blame the course’s two tight corners for my getting dropped last night, but that would be lame. Bottom line is I could tell I was a little duller than I was before the cruise. I did like almost two laps with the group just right in front of me. Sigh. But I couldn’t quite catch them. 

Now, here’s the deal. I should not have been so far back in the group. I should have moved up and stayed up. But alas, I let myself slip back. I felt like I was having to work a little harder to stay in there, so it isn’t surprising that I couldn’t quite stay attached. 

But something else that I noticed was that when I was trying to chase back on, I didn’t try to get out of the saddle and really hammer, just for a few seconds, to get back on. I think that is something that I am going to have to work on. The ability to generate a short burst for situations like this. I think my consistent efforts have gotten much stronger, but I am still lacking in the bursts of power.

Of course, none of this is unexpected after the two weeks of no cycling with an extra week tacked on of no racing. Next Thursday we will be heading to Baton Rouge after the race, so I am hoping that I can have a better result. Next week is also one of the more normal courses, so I can just put that out of my mind and race.

Back

I’m back.

I had to turn in my final feedback for the RyR contest at Pure Austin, and I decided to send a picture in with my text to nail the point home. So I figured what better way to jump start the blog again but with this:

Anyway, I’ve lost 25 lbs, gotten a lot stronger, and have surpassed my stated cycling goals. But goals are made to be met, and it’s time to set new ones.